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<\/p>\nA man took to Reddit fearing he may have done something wrong after a lunch with his kids went sideways.<\/p>\n
While disclosing a fair amount of family history — including life-threatening illnesses — he let the internet decide on whether he was “too harsh.”<\/p>\n
The post, which was shared to an anonymous forum, seemed to strike the Reddit community with its apparent honesty and inspired an overwhelming number of commenters to share their support for him and his outburst.<\/p>\n
Read the entire post and how the Reddit community reacted below.<\/p>\n
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“I (56M) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back when I was 37. They caught it relatively early but I was not expected to survive. About a month after my diagnosis my ex-wife (Sara, 55F) divorced me, took the kids, house and most of our savings. She even turned the kids (at the time 14M, 12F, 11F) against me and I was alone (only child and my parents died in my 20s so no other family) to deal with my seemingly inevitable death. Well except 1 person, my coworker, Jane. She was the only person in the world who seemed to care about me. Before you ask, there was no infidelity, Sara divorced me because ‘she couldn’t be my nurse as she watched me die’. Anyways, the doctors wanted to try to removed the tumor after a few courses of chemo, and I went into remission after the surgery and some more chemo.<\/p>\n
“I tried to be there for my kids, but Sara remarried and my spot was taken by her new husband. After a while I stopped calling on bdays and holidays, stopped giving gifts, stopped trying to be involved in their lives. It hurt almost as much as the cancer when I realized I didn’t mean anything to them. I ended up marrying Jane and we have 2 kids. It still hurts but I love my new family and they actually give a sh-t about me.<\/p>\n
I don’t care how bad her dying hurts you guys because I care about you all as much as you care about me, not in the slightest. I won’t help because I don’t love her or you guys.”<\/p>\n
“Anyways, Sara recently got diagnosed with terminal heart disease and they are struggling financially. My kids called me for the first time in over a decade to ask me out for lunch. I didn’t want to go but Jane said they’re extending an olive branch and to at least hear what they want to say. At lunch they didn’t even [bother] with pleasantries, they immediately jumped into asking me to help out their mom with medical bills. I said no and got up to leave, but my son said that even if I didn’t love their mom, they did and if I loved them I needed to help. I asked them what their half siblings names were, when the last time they called, who they spent the last 2 decades worth of father’s days with, why tf I should give a sh-t about a woman who took everything and left me alone while facing my death or about the kids who wouldn’t even see me before my surgery or at any point when I was dying. They were silent. So I said, ‘I don’t care about your mom, nor do I give a single sh-t if she dies. And I don’t care how bad her dying hurts you guys because I care about you all as much as you care about me, not in the slightest. I won’t help because I don’t love her or you guys’ and left.<\/p>\n
“I have been getting calls from my ex’s family telling me how awful I am for saying that to my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t care but my wife told me that even though I’m right, I was too harsh on them. AITA?<\/p>\n
“Edit: posting this bc people seem to think I gave up immediately Sara remarried about a year after I went into remission. I tried for 11 years but all I’d get on the calls was a thank you and one word answers about what’s going on in their lives. As time went on the calls got shorter and shorter, if they answered at all. I stopped calling after 11 years because not one of them answered on christmas. I tried spending time with them in person over the years but it was always short because the kids were busy, or at least that’s what I was told. I fought for my kids until the youngest was 22.<\/p>\n
“Edit 2: When I signed the divorce papers I gave my ex full custody in exchange for her not taking everything in our accounts. After the remission I voluntarily paid child support but didn’t seek custody because because all three of them wanted to live with their mom. At the time I thought the kids were scared of me dying and that’s why they didn’t want to see me. I didn’t want to believe she turned them against me for a long time, and by the time I realized it seemed to me like forcing them to live with me would just push them even further away. I think Sara told them I was having an affair but I don’t know.”<\/p>\n
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As said before, overwhelmingly commenters on the subreddit gave their support to OP — declaring him NTA (not the a–hole).<\/p>\n
“It might not be your children\u2019s fault for abandoning you, however their mother turned them against you, and they probably did the lunch on her bidding. Besides, you have no reason to help someone who abandoned you in your most vulnerable time,” one Redditor commented. “Also (sorry if I missed something but) where\u2019s the stepfather in all of this? Overall, not the a–hole for not wanting to care for your ex-wife. She didn\u2019t want to care for you, and it\u2019s outrageous for her to expect it from you.”<\/p>\n
OP replied: “He works but apparently their health insurance and his paychecks can’t cover the costs.”<\/p>\n
While another noted that while he was NTA things may be a bit more complicated emotionally.<\/p>\n
“You were harsh,” they wrote, before pointing out, “And you lied. The reason this wound has festered is because you do care about them and loved who they were and who they could have been. But they deserved it. The youngest is 30. They are not kids anymore but adults who could have re-examined what happened with you with adult eyes. They just didn\u2019t. For well over ten years. And they didn\u2019t pretend to want to now, which was hurtfully helpful. They just wanted your money and would say what they needed to manipulate you.”<\/p>\n
“You did the right thing by going,” the commenter concluded. “You also did the right thing by saying no. I\u2019m sorry but I don\u2019t think these relationships are fixable.”<\/p>\n
Many responded to that observation, feeling that OP in fact cares a lot about his first set of children and it’s so painful precisely because of how much he loves them. While another said in reply: “This needs more upvotes. You can’t be so emotionally hurt by someone if you don’t care. OP need[s] counseling to work through his anger.”<\/p>\n
When another commenter asked how OP’s wife turned the kids against him, he replied: “They didn’t hate me, they just seemed uninterested in me. I don’t know what she told them, she insisted they just were happier with their new dad whenever I tried to ask what was up with them not wanting anything to do with me. My only guess is that she told them I was having an affair with Jane.”<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, some questioned whether or not OP actually did have an affair with Jane before remarrying due to that suspicion constantly being raised by him.<\/p>\n
Others, however, cast doubt on the entire story — finding some of the details far-fetched. But overall the AITA post received support from the majority of commenters, with many sharing their personal experiences with similar situations when a spouse abandoned a partner over health-related issues.<\/p>\n
What do you think?<\/p>\n
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